eXonyte's Realm - Yo Mama Jokes

Yo Mama Jokes

when she went to KFC they asked her what size bucket she wanted, she said the one on the roof. (from Cashmoneybroda)
when the Backstreet Boys heard of her they wrote a song for her: "Larger Than Life" (from Foxymichell18)
she types 20 letters with her fingers at once. (from Mikael)
she made Jabba the Hutt blush. (from Jack Glenn)
even Bill Gates couldn't pay for her liposuction!
if she was a superhero, she would be "Incredible Bulk."
she plays hopscotch like this: Pluto, Uranus, Jupiter Earth,...
she went on a light diet... As soon as it's light she starts eating.
she went on a seafood diet... Whenever she saw food she ate it.
she could go a week without eating and still not lose weight.
she's half Indian, half Irish, and half American.
if she wears fishnet stockings, they'd better be 50 pound test!
she made weight watchers go blind.
and dark, she jumped in the ocean and they thought she was an oil spill.
when she plays football she plays offense and defense.
she's moving the Earth out of its orbit.
I gain weight just by watching her eat.
when she comes down the stairs she measures on the Richter scale.
when your father fell in love with her he got lost.
when she swims, she leaves stretch marks on the swimming pool.
she leaves stretch marks on the bathtub.
she uses blanket as a washcloth.
she's taller lying down.
the only thing she can fit into at the clothing store is the dressing rooms.
she pulls up a chair to an all-u-can-eat buffet.
you can pinch an inch on her forehead.
on a scale of 1 to 10, she's a 747.
she has a greater gravitational attraction than a black hole.
when she wears corduroy pants, the ridges don't show.
she made Richard Simmons cry.
even Richard Simmons laughs at her.
when she wears a purple sweater people call her "Barney."
when she sits in a chair, the rolls on her legs, cover her feet like a blanket.
when she comes in your house the tires pop.
she don't know wether she's walking or rolling.
when she farted the whole planet came out.
she makes sumo wrestlers look anerexic.
she makes Big Bird look like a rubber duck.
one day when she got in a fight the person fighting her got lost in her.
when she wore a shirt with an AA on it, people thought it was American Airlines biggest jet.
if she were an airplane, she'd be a jumbo jet.
one day she was lifting up her rolls and a car fell out.
Dr. Martens had to kill 3 cows just to make her a pair of shoes.
she can't stay on a basketball court for three seconds without getting called for a key violation.
she climbed Mt. Fuji with one step.
all the chairs in her house have seatbelts.
she smells like bacon at 90 degrees.
and her back is so crooked, when she lays down...people say "I didn't know we had mountains."
when she travels, she's gotta make two trips.
when she was born, she gave the hospital stretch marks.
she has to grease her hands to get into her pockets.
she has two stomachs: One for meat, one for vegetables.
NASA orbits satellites around her.
NASA is going to use her to fill the hole in the ozone layer.
I saw her in New York, and when I told my friend in LA, he'd seen her too.
she looks like the Stay-Puft marshmallow man on steroids.
she sat on a dollar and made change.
she has to get out of the car to change gears.
she uses a pillow case as a sock.
her skates went flat.
she has 48 midnight snacks.
she eats cereal out of a satellite dish.
the horse on her Jordache is real.
she sat in Big Foot and made it a lowrider.
when she got on the bus she turned it into a low rider.
when she walks down the street everyone yells "Earthquake!"
when she walks down the street, you can hear her hips saying to each other "If you let me by, I'll let you pass."
when she walks in front of the T.V., you miss 5 minutes of your show.
when she volunteered to clean cages at the zoo, people walked by and said "Look at the elephant!"
they changed my Physics book to say "What goes up must come down, except Yo mama."
she broke the stairway to heaven!
people jog around her for exercise
she's been declared a natural habitat for Condors
she has to pull down her pants to get into her pockets
when she tripped over on 4th Ave, she landed on 12th
when she bungee jumps, she brings down the bridge too
she fell in love and broke it.
God couldn't light Earth till she moved!
NASA has to orbit a satellite around her!
whenever she goes to the beach the tide comes in!
she's got Amtrak written on her leg.
when she jumps up in the air she gets stuck!!!
she sat on the beach and Greenpeace threw her in!
when she sits around the house, she sits AROUND the house!
even her clothes have stretch marks!
she has a wooden leg with a kickstand!
when she rides in a hot air balloon, it looks like she's wearing tights!
she got hit by a parked car!
they have to grease the bath tub to get her out!
she has to buy two airline tickets.
when she fell over she rocked herself asleep trying to get again.
she influences the tides.
that when I tried to drive around her I ran out of gas.
the animals at the zoo feed her.
when she dances at a concert the whole band skips.
she stands in two time zones.
that she can't tie her own shoes.
she sets off car alarms when she runs.
she cant reach her back pocket.
she uses redwoods to pick her teeth
the only pictures you have of her are satellite pictures
she hoola-hooped the super bowl.
she was baptised in the ocean.
they tie a rope around her shoulders and drag her through a tunnel when they want to clean it.
when she stands in a left-turn lane it gives her the green arrow!
that when whe was born, she gave the hospital stretch marks.
she accidently got a 747 caught in her teeth
to her "light food" means under 4 Tons
she was zoned for commercial development
she won "Miss Bessie the Cow 94"
she has more rolls than a mary jane truck
when I yell "Kool-Aid," she comes crashing through the wall.
at the zoo, the elephants started throwing her peanuts.
when she bends over we go into daylight savings time.
when she turns around, people throw her a welcome back party.
she can't even jump to a conclusion.
she stepped on a talking scale and it said "Please step out of the car."
no one can talk behind her back.
she eats biscuits like tic tacs.
she gets clothes in three sizes: extra large, jumbo, and oh-my-god-it's-coming-towards-us!
she eats pumpkin pies like Skittles.
she tried to get an all-over tan, and the sun burned out.
she uses hula hoops to hold up her socks.
she went to a Chinese Restaurant and ordered a 40oz. of gravy.
she sat on an Oreo and unlocked the magic.
she uses the carpet as a blanket.
her belly button's got an echo.
she rollerskates on busses.
she needs a bookmark to find her necklace.
she uses bacon for band-aids.
she's jealous of the wall.
she hitch-hikes on dump trucks
that she needs a sock for each toe
she was the cause of a major crash.
when she sits in the classroom, she sits beside everybody.
they wrote a book about her, it was called Moby Dick.
that she cant tie her own shoes.
she got a ham for a pet.
when I walked by her house, I saw her in every window!
one day it was raining and she put on her yellow coat to go down the street and a kid saw her and said "Dang, I missed the bus again!".
she played Free Willy's stunt double.
when she falls in the Grand Canyon, she gets stuck.
that when she drives on the interstate, she has to stop at the weigh station.
when she jumps off the high dive she shows up on radar.
that people wish to buy food 100% "Yo Mama Free"
they won't allow her on most bridges.
the police dogs stopped her at the airport for having 10 lbs of crack.
she got more crack than South Central LA
when she sat on an ice berge she made crushed ice!!!
she got hit by a car and said, "Who touched me?"
when she looks in a mirror, she saw another mirror.
when the guy cursed "thinner" on her she said thanks.
she can lay down and stand up and her height doesn't change.
when she dances, she makes the band skip.
the horse on her Polo shirt is real.
when she works at the movie theater, her job's the screen.
when she runs she makes the CD player skip... at the radio station.
her belly jiggle is the first ever perpetual motion machine.
all the restaurants in town have signs that say: "Maximum Occupancy: 240 Patrons OR Yo Mama"
when she ran away, they had to use all four sides of the milk carton.
instead of Levis 501 jeans, she wears Levi's 1002's.
when she gets in an elevator, it HAS to go down.
all of her clothes have to be custom made by a contractor.
when I said I wanted "Pigs in a blanket" she got back in bed.
when she was diagnosed with the flesh eating disease, the doctor gave her 5 years to live.
she was born with a silver shovel in her mouth.
she's got smaller fat women orbiting around her.
a picture of her fell off the wall!
her picture takes two frames.
her cereal bowl came with a lifeguard.
when she crosses the street, cars look out for her.
she puts mayonaise on aspirin.
I ran around her twice and got lost.
when she was walking in her jeans I swear I smelled something burning.
I gotta take three steps back just to see all of her.
she shops for clothes in the local tent shop.
when she stepped on a train track, the warning lights went on.
when she goes to the circus she sees the big top and asks "Where can I try that on?"
when she goes to the circus she takes up all the rings.
when she plays football she plays the interior line.
when she leaves the beach everybody shouts "The coast is clear."
her driver's license says "Picture continued on other side."
they used her for a trampoline at the Olympics.
when she hauls butt, she has friends come help.
her butt has it's own congressman.
"Place Your Ad Here" is printed on each of her butt cheeks.
someone ran on her butt and thought that he fell in a valley!
when I took her to the beach, I swear to God, I smelled bacon!
when she goes hang-gliding there's a solar eclipse.
when she sits in the car it looks like the windows are tinted.
she's just like City TV, shes everywhere!
she stepped on a scale and said "Look! It's my phone number!"
in kindergarten she stood up, turned around, and erased both chalk boards!
that when she puts on a black and yellow dress someone in the crowd calls out, "Taxi!".
she IS the Final Frontier!
it took her 368 days to turn around.
she sank a continent.
that when she got hit by a truck she said "STOP PUSHING!"
she grabbed the cookie jar and yelled "I got the power!"
the Russians don't need to take a spaceship to mars, they're taking a hovercraft.
I guess we know what's eating Gilbert Grape.
she couldn't fit in a satellite photo.
she sweats Crisco
she stepped on my cat/dog's tail, now I call him "Beaver".
she plays hopscotch like this: mercury, venus, earth, mars...
she sat on a lump of coal and five minutes later it was a diamond!
when a policeman saw her in the corner, he said, "Hey, break it up!"
if she weighed five more pounds she could get group insurance.
when she wears blue, people try to mail letters in her.
when she walks the radio skips.
when she swims, the sea level rises!
that when she went to the beach, she was the ONLY one who got a tan!
she takes her shower at the car wash!
when I looked her up on the Internet, my screen cracked!
she has to go outside to change her mind!
when she got on the elevator to Heaven...she went straight to Hell!
she needs First Down Markers to measure her waist size.
she uses the aurora borealis for a party light.
she uses power lines for dental floss.
she uses the Eiffel Tower for a toothpick.
she uses Pluto's orbit for a hula hoop.
she uses the planets for gum balls.
her belly button doesn't have lint, it has sweaters.
she got kicked out of an all you can eat restaurant.
she came back from the beach with a sunburn and three harpoon wounds.
her belt is like the Universe, nobody knows if it will ever end.
she rolls to work!
she wanted a waterbed so she put a blanket over Lake Michigan!
she has to wear prescription underwear!
she measures her waist in route numbers!
she sank in the Dead Sea!
she could stunt double for the boulder in Indiana Jones.
she went bungee jumping in an orange dress and people thought the sun was falling!
she killed KFC's Colonel Sanders for the secret recipe!
people tried to climb her northern slope!
when she walked into the ocean, a bunch whales came up to her and sang, We are Family.
when she was adopted into the family the tree fell over.
when she wears a white dress people try to hold ice shows on her.
she's on the Slim Slow diet!
when she goes jogging she leaves potholes.
when she wears a black suit with white lines down the middle planes start landing on her.
when the doctor asked her to write down her weight, he said, "I asked for your weight not your phone number!"
her shadow weighs 42 tons!
she sat on the chair and broke the table!
she made a train take a dirt road.
when she wears a green and white striped shirt, folks mistake her for a football field.
when she gets her shoes shined, she's gotta take their word for it.
she had to sit on Jenny Craig just to get a refund!
she uses buses as rollerblades.
she sold her shadow to a mushroom farm!
when she lies down she's two inches taller.
it takes three cameras to take her picture!
when she went swimming in the ocean, whale poachers tried to harpoon her!
every time she gets off the toilet it comes with her.
last night she called me on her cellulose phone.
she uses bricks for Legos!
she broke the cow scale!
when she went to Sizzler's, she got a group discount.
she has a glass eye with a fish in it!
when she jumped out of an airplane, everyone yelled METEOR!
when she wears white pants and bends over, wolves start howling.
people run laps around her.
it would take an entire cemetery to bury her.
the IMAX theatre is her TV!
when she got on the scale it said, "Volkswagon"!
if she got on a battery-operated scale, it'd run out of batteries before her weight was shown.
the stork had a heart attack carrying her!
she stepped on a talking scale and it told her to get off!
I can take her to the beach and sell her for shade.
we're in her right now
that when she goes to Taco Bell, Everybody runs for the border! (Thanx to Joltster)
she has her own moon.
she's been married to your daddy for 20 years and she still hasn't seen him.
first she filled the bathtub, then she turned on the water.
she shaves her legs with a lawnmower.
when she goes out for a night on the town the people mistake her for Godzilla.
she drives a Spandex car.
that when the boat was late she jumped in the water and said, "All aboard!"
when she falls out of bed, she falls off from both sides
the tag on her wedding dress reads "made in: Hungary, Turkey, China, U.S., ETC..."
has more rolls than the bakery!
when her shadow fell on the bed, it broke!
and ugly she needs to get up an hour early to shave all her chins
she uses a semi-trailer as a couch.
when she told me her weight, I thought it was a phone number.
she's protected by GreenPeace!
she makes godzilla look like an action figure.
when she goes to get out of the bath you have to call the Coast Guard.
she scrubs her back with a tree.
she's got her own Grid Reference on a World Map
she looks like she is smuggling volkswagons.
when it rains she's gotta go inside so the lawn can get water.
when she goes to the beach she's the only one who gets a tan.
she could kickstart a Space Shuttle!
she has to wear snowshoes on dry land!
Oprah recommended a NordicTrack!
she reminds me of a Saint... A Saint Bernard
when she walked past the TV and I missed three commercials.
she has her own gravity.
when she takes a shower her feet don't get wet.
she had to get baptized at sea world
when she wears red she looks like the Kool-Aid Man.
when she sits around, she sits around.
when she wears a Malcom X T-Shirt helicopters try landing on her.
when she lies on the beach no one else gets sun!
when she bungee jumps she goes straight to hell!
when her beeper goes off, people thought she was backing up.
she went to the movies and sat next to everyone
she was floating in the ocean and Portugal claimed her for the new world
she put on her lipstick with a paint-roller
that her senior pictures had to be arial views!
everytime she walks in high heels, she strikes oil!
she fell and made the Grand Canyon!
she broke her leg, and gravy poured out!
she has a run in her blue-jeans!
when she backs up she beeps.
when she goes to an all you can eat buffet, they have to install speed bumps.
that she would have been in E.T., but when she rode the bike across the moon, she caused an eclipse.
the National Weather Agency has to assign names to her farts
we went to the drive-in and didn't have to pay because we dressed her as a Chevrolet.
she's got her own area code!
when she plays hopscotch, she goes New York, L.A., Chicago
I had to take a train and two buses just to get to her good side!
she wakes up in sections!
she sat on a quarter and a booger shot out of george washington's nose.
she was mistaken for God's bowling ball.
when her beeper goes off, people think she's backing up.
her favorite dress is a tent.
she left home with high heels, she came back with flip-flops.
she has to iron her pants on the driveway.
she needs a building permit for her girdle.
she puts on her belt with a boomerang.
she needed her ears pierced with a harpoon.
she sat on a rainbow and Skittles popped out.
she sat on a quarter and got two dimes and a nickel.
she rolled over four quarters and made it a dollar.
when she sat on a dollar bill, blood came out of George Washington's nose.
the Department of Transportation makes her wear a "Caution, Wide Turn" sign.
when she steps on a scale, it reads "One at a time, please".
when she steps on a scale, it says "To be continued..."
when she steps on a scale, it says "I don't do livestock".
the last time she saw 90210 was on a scale.
the back of her neck looks like a pack of hot dogs.
when she hauls butt, she has to make two trips.
when she bends over we lose an hour of daylight.
she has her own zip code.
the phone company gave her two area codes.
people jog around her for exercise.
when she puts on her clothes, they beg for mercy.
when she wears a yellow raincoat, folks run after her yelling "TAXI!"
she shows up on radar.
when she auditioned for Indiana Jones, she got the part of the big rolling ball.
she couldn't star in Forrest Gump because she kept eating the box of chocolates.
they use the elastic in her underwear for bungee jumping... and they still hit the ground.
when she goes to a restaurant, she looks at the menu and says, "Okay!"
when she goes to a restaurant, she even orders the "Thank You, Come Again."
when she goes to a restaurant, she doesn't get a menu, she gets an estimate.
when she brought her dress to the cleaners, they said "Sorry, we don't do curtains."
when the police showed her a picture of her feet, she couldn't identify them.
when she goes to the beach, the kids yell, "Free Willy!"
Willy freed her.
she makes Shamu look like a Tic Tac.
the difference between her and Moby Dick is about three pounds.
when she lies on the beach, no one else gets sun.
when she sits at the beach, Greenpeace tries to tow her back into the ocean.
when she sits in front of the "Hollywood" sign, you can only see the "H" and the "D".
she measures 36-24-36, and the other arm is just as big!
she was Miss Arizona -- class battleship.
she doesn't wear Dazzey Dukes; she wears Boss Hoggs.
she's got more Chins than a Hong Kong phone book.
her senior picture had to be an aerial view.
she has to fly cargo class.
when she puts on a pair of BVD's, it stretches to "BouleVarD".
she has to wear a sock on each toe.
she's got shock absorbers on her toilet seat.
the AIDS quilt can't cover her.
she qualifies for group insurance.
when she steps on gum, she can tell you what flavor it is.
the shadow of her butt weighs 50 lbs.
she needs to put a bookmark in her folds to find her belly button.
her navel gets home 15 minutes before she does.
when I swerved to avoid her on the road, I ran out of gas.
you have to grease the door frame and hold a Twinkie on the other side just to get her through.
even God can't lift her spirits.
her belt size is equator.
she sells shade in the summer.
cows graze by her for the shade.
she got on an airplane and only the wings took off.
when she told the airport she needed to fly right away, they stamped "GoodYear" on her butt and put her on the runway!
the airport categorizes her butt as carry-on luggage.
she lost at Hide and Seek when I spotted her behind the Himalayas.
she could be the eighth continent.
she farted and put herself into orbit.
when your family wants to watch home movies, they dress her in white and seat her in front.
when she eats at McDonald's, they have to go outside and double the number on the sign that says amount of people served.
her butt has got more meat than a freezer at Price-Costco.
her butt looks like two pigs fighting over a Milk Dud.
I got rich by making her sit on coal.
the only thing attracted to her is gravity.
small objects tend to orbit her.
she's got tan lines from the refridgerator light.
I'm jealous of yo daddy. He's got TWICE the woman anyone else has!
I've known her all my life... and I still haven't seen ALL of her!
she sat on a quarter and squeezed a booger out of George Washington's nose!
she's got more rolls than a bakery.
she looks like the michelin man.
they wouldn't let her to enter a sumo wrestling contest.
she has her own gravitational pull.
she tripped in Queens and landed in the Bronx.
scientists saw her through a telescope and declared her a new universe.
before God said let there be light, he said get your fat butt out of the way!
she got hit by a bus, turned around and yelled, "Who threw that rock?"
she got a glass leg and filled it with kool-aid
kids thought she was a Space Walk!
she's got more chins than a Hong Kong phonebook.
she makes bigbird look like a rubber ducky!
when she went to school she sat next to everybody
that her belly has got so many rolls on it, that she has to screw on her pants
she eats wheat thicks.
you put 4 quarters in her ear and a bag of Doritos pop out
she sat on a rainbow and Skittles popped out
she plays pool with the planets
she uses a VCR as a Beeper
she walked in front of the TV and we missed 2 episodes of MASH.
she jumped up in the air and got stuck.
she uses a freeway as a slip and slide!
she's got more nooks and crannies than an English Muffin
they had to let out the shower curtain
she wears a watch on each arm. One for each time zone
her blood type is Ragu
after she gets through turning around, they throw her a welcome back party
she don't take pictures, she takes posters
her baby pictures were taken by satellite
her picture weighs ten pounds
that when she puts on high heels in the morning, by the afternoon, they're flats
she could sell shade
she bumps into people even when she's sitting down
she's on both sides of the family
she sat on a quarter and George Washington's brains popped out

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